SELF LOVE, ME TOO, AND WHAT IT HAS TO DO WITH HEALING CODEPENDENCE #SELFLOVERAF [RECOGNIZE AFFIRM FULFILL]
GOT CODEPENDENCE? Find out.
If you are reading this article chances are you already possess a lot of emotional maturity. There are parts of your life where you have fruitful relationships and where you feel sourced and happy. And yet something attracted you to this article. I believe most women in the US have some form of codependency in their relationships. In this article I will help you identify if this dynamic is part of your makeup so that you can begin to shift it.
Do you feel like the people in your life take advantage of you? Do you find yourself helping others fix their problems but feel helpless to fix your own? Do you feel like your needs don't matter? Do you feel like your partner doesn't respond or gets overwhelmed with your needs or worse shames you for them? Is it hard for you to identify what you need?
If you have any of the underlying energetic structure of codependency it will crop up in your life because your soul wants to bring it to consciousness. In my life it cropped up in my partnership and my primary relationships, close friends particularly in new motherhood, and work relationships. The closer the relationship the more intense the dynamic would show up. Writing this article I am recognizing how much healing I’ve done over the past decade to be here and ready to even talk about this. It is with deep gratitude for my experience and for those who were in these relationships with me that I share what I now understand both intellectually and in my heart and have shifted in my daily experience.
The root cause of co-dependence is looking outside of yourself for someone else to recognize, affirm, and meet your needs. This may be a new concept to you but stick with me. If you've been codependent most of your life chances are you've pushed your needs so far to the background that you don't even know what they are anymore. And if someone wrote them out and handed them to you on paper you would deny them like and indictment for murder.
Here are the best indicators of a codependency pattern in your life. You feel overextended and underpaid or appreciated. You find yourself frustrated with those closest to you. You find certain people have a magnetic pull over you that you feel helpless to say no to. You feel helpless to fix your problems and yet ready to take on the world for someone else. And your bank account is lackluster. That’s a huge indicator.
All of these feelings are a product of a cycle that you have control of. But the frustrations listed here may feel like they are everyone’s fault in your life. Guess what. Being able to fix your problems is a basic need. If you are in the habit of denying your basic needs even this will be something you put on others to do. You may find yourself obsessing about what your partner needs to fix before your relationship can work or complaining to friends about what your partner did this week that was hurtful. I know this one personally from so much experience and it can heal!
In order to heal this dynamic in your life and transform your relationships you need to make the switch in your mind so you can take back responsibility for your needs and flow in the benign circle. It’s way more fun I promise!
It is possible to begin a benign cycle of knowing your needs, acknowledging them, and then saying yes to yourself by meeting them.
A quick note about where this shows up in your life: it may not be so obvious in your partnership but at work it's crazy intense, likewise it could be no biggie at work but with your mother it's impossible! Use the pattern indicators to assess every area of your life because this pattern is tricky and can slide by unnoticed wreaking havoc on your happiness.
Janelle is a vibrational healer, circle maker, and artist. She lives in the Western North Carolina mountains with her family.
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